On my heart today...........

My heart is so so very heavy today. A couple of my dear friends have had some very hard days this week. 

I would like to share with you all a little about my sweet friend Sherri. I can still remember the first time I met her, like it was yesterday. We had an instant connection. It was like we had been friends for years. I have SO enjoyed working with and getting to know her over the years. We have had lots and lots of laughs! There is still an open debate about whose laugh is louder in our clinic...mine or hers.........I admittedly have quite the cackle, but I think Sherri’s takes the cake. 

God placed her in my life for a reason. I wouldn’t fully know that reason (and still may not) until Caleb was diagnosed. I have always sensed we met for a reason though. I can still remember feeling anxious that it was going to upset her when she found out Caleb had cancer. .You see Sherri’s beautiful daughter, Lindsey, battled cancer and gained her wings before I met Sherri. I SO wish I had been able to meet her. I love  hearing Lindsey stories and the way her eyes light up when she talks about her. Sherri is my only close friend that knew me before cancer overtook my life who has traveled this road ahead of me. She stays on my mind so much since Caleb's diagnosis, especially our first days in Memphis.  She gets it......all of it! I hate that she gets it! Just like I know she hates it that I am have been dealt this card. I try really hard to hide if  I am upset because I feel guilty. I don’t want to upset her either.  She is SO strong! She struggles and sometimes people don’t understand her and that’s ok. It’s not their journey. To me she is an amazing, strong, beautiful soul. I am so thankful for our friendship. She is a blessing to me. Today marks the anniversary of Lindsey’s healing in heaven. 

Those of you who have been following Caleb’s journey undoubtedly know about my sweet sassy friend Hattie that I met at Ronald Mcdonald House.  Yesterday was her 5th birthday and first birthday in heaven. 

I cannot begin to imagine what these precious parents are going through. Please say an extra prayer for them today as these are difficult days for them. I would like to also like to encourage you to not sweat the small stuff. In the end, none of it really matters. Be kinder than necessary, you never know what people are walking through. If you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. Always tell people how much they mean to you and how you feel about them. In the end, it’s the things we don’t say and the chances we don’t take that haunt us. Life is short. 

Going Gold for September 🎗🎗🎗

Sitting here with just my thoughts and a cup of coffee this morning.  Today and every Monday is a chemo day for us. Childhood Cancer is never far very from my mind. September is childhood cancer awareness month........which I didn't even know existed until last year. I have had a crash course in ALL and pediatric cancer this year. The more I learn, the more my heart breaks. Now I am starting to become angry. Not even angry that my child has cancer. I believe there must be a purpose for his journey and we are doing all we can to support him along the way. I try to be his advocate, mom, and caregiver to the best of my ability. Some days are harder than others, but he is a trooper and I try to be as well. What can be helped though........and what I am angry about is how little funding, research, and attention childhood cancer receives.  I don't think it truly has a face until it touches someone you know........ someone close to you. It didn't for me.  I am not going to preach, educate, or a go on a rant.

I digress....there are tons of events in our area this month recognizing childhood cancer. On a  recent visit to the clinic,  the staff approached me about Caleb participating in an event, Eli's Block Party. At the event, I met the family of Eli Williams, including his younger brother named Caleb. I knew that Eli had a long fight against, Medulloblastoma, an aggressive brain cancer and that he loved cars but not much else.  What I didn't know was that Eli's battle ended so recently......... August 5, 2017. Barely over a month ago.  What I saw at that event was a community of car lovers who were supporting this family, the memory their son, and coming together for a good cause. It was truly touching. Today my thoughts are with Eli and his family and all the other children whose lives have been touched by childhood cancer. Here are some of the faces of childhood cancer in our area that have earned their wings since Caleb was diagnosed.

It's NOT rare! Please help spread awareness and help support childhood cancer research. Wear a shirt, tell someones story, attend an event, run a race, donate where your money MATTERS.......to organizations like St. Jude and non profits organized by parents where the money truly goes to kids.

"If you have healthy kids be thankful......help families that don't have healthy kids." Carrow McClendon mother of Kayleigh age 7, who battled DIPG for 6 months.






To learn more about Eli and his foundation:


https://www.elisblockparty.org/eli-s-block-party


https://www.youtube.com/embed/Jy_006kDLaw


Eli Williams #forever12
12/3/04-8/5/17
Medulloblastoma

Hattie Williams #hopeforhattie
1/18/13-3/23/17
Rhabodomyosarcoma

Little Hattie I met at St Jude. That little girl stole my heart with her sass, her love of pink, and ALL things girly.  After being in remission from an aggressive RMS,  Hattie began having headaches and relapsed in March.

Samuel Harmon
7/13/2007-9/30/16
B cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia

Sam had the same type of leukemia Caleb. He died from complications related to chemotherapy. We were just beginning our journey and were in Memphis the same time as Sam.  His mother Christie and I attended the same high school.

Leah Siebert
12/1/98-8/30/17
Rhabodomyosarcoma

Leah had just graduated high school. She was a cheerleader and loved softball. In her own words, "I love cows, cats, the color yellow, a guy named Trace, a girl named Emma, and my child named Molly." Leah was diagnosed with RMS when she was 15.

Kayleigh McClendon
5/13/09-11/15/16
DIPG Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma

DIPG is a devastating aggresive brain tumor. The median survival time is 9 months from diagnosis. There is currently no effective treatment and the diagnosis is terminal  Kayleigh fought DIPG for 6 months. She loved softball and the color purple. Many have followed Kayleigh's story through her mom, Carrow's, blog http://prayersforkayleigh.com/ 

Kayleigh' parents talking abour her story and their love of St. Jude.

https://youtu.be/QQ71rUeHRoE

Six months in.......

Six months ago today Caleb had just been diagnosed with leukemia and we were in route to St Jude in Memphis. What a journey it has been. Six short months......yet at times it seems like a lifetime, while other times it seems like only yesterday. Six months ago our whole world changed. We have changed. Our lives went from revolving around juggling two boys and their ball schedules to........Memphis, cancer, chemo, counts, and roadmaps for treatment. There have been many lessons, blessings, heartaches, hugs, and tears too. I try hard to focus on the positive and the blessings. Some days though, my emotions get the better of me.

Our marriage is stronger. Zack and I have learned ALOT about teamwork, priorities, and celebrating each and every victory no matter how small. We have learned that life is short.......eat the cake, take the trip, buy the shoes. What are you waiting for? 

While I was the strong one while we were in Memphis, I have had a much harder time since being home and adjusting to a this "new normal". I REALLY dislike that term. There is NOTHING normal about having a child with a life threatening illness. Emotionally it is draining me trying to be cancer mom, nurse, wife, and mom to Kohen. It takes all that I have some days to make it through the day with a smile on my face and I still feel it's not good enough. Since we have been home, I have been very reclusive. This is mainly due to it being cold and flu season to protect Caleb's fragile immune system. I must be honest and admit this has changed me as well. Some days I am fine. Others days I have social anxiety, my emotions are raw and fragile, and I am easily upset. I am very social by nature and pray this gets better as time passes. So if I see you out and don't speak, it is not you, it's me. Please don't take it personal. Some days I have a really hard time being around others and talking to people. I say all that to make the point that now Zack is the strong one, and I am the one who is struggling. I have had to rely on Zack and God like never before. 

Caleb has completed reinduction one and will be heading back to Memphis next month for reinduction two. Then 108 more weeks of treatment. The journey is long and the climb steep, but I am certain the view from the top will be most precious. God prepared me well for the journey. Even in the darkest moments, He has never left me. We are SO thankful for how well Caleb is doing. I am very grateful that he has the type of cancer that he does. He has done relatively well with treatment. He has only had one fever, minimal setbacks, and tolerated chemo fairly well. We are looking forward to spring and all the warmth and beauty that comes with it. Caleb had his first ball practice last week and is SO excited about playing ball! I'm pretty excited too! 

We feel so blessed and thankful. Although this journey is very hard and painful at times we feel very loved. There are also many beautiful moments and blessing along the way! Thank you for all the love, prayers, concern, and support for our brave little leukemia warrior and the rest of our family! We appreciate you more than you will ever know. 

Love, 
Alicia 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Romans 8:28 NLT

All Things New

“I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.””

Revelation 21:5

It is amazing what you can see when you look at something with fresh eyes and a renewed perspective.

For example,  yesterday I went on a tour of Butler High School, which has been purchased by my church. I was amazed walking through the campus. I got a snapshot of the vision for the building as the Rock Family Worship Center. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that has a heart for our city. As the tour came to a close, Pastor Rusty and Leisa gathered everyone in the gym which will be the sanctuary and shared the vision of a school now empty and abandoned into something new that will be used to His glory. I was touched as we watched a video of a former student talk about how much the school meant to them. I'm excited for the possibilities that the new campus brings and SO thankful for this new season. 

Dear First Responders,

I know many times you know nothing about your patients when they roll through your doors, or the outcome after their discharge. I wanted to thank you for the excellent care my husband received when he was a patient this spring....... from my point of view as a wife. 

Thank you for all you do from the bottom of my heart. I know you are overworked and under appreciated. Words are not adequate to thank you, but here goes....

April 11, 2015.....It was opening day at our community ballpark. My oldest son, Kohen, loves baseball. We were excited about the new season. Some of the parents decided to play a game that evening. Zack decided to suit up and play ball. 

A few minutes after I arrived at the park, he walked off the field and towards me........ "I don't feel so good.....I think I hurt my arms when I was up to bat, "he said. He very pale and diaphoretic. Then he heaved as if to vomit....... Time stood still........my mind began to race.....part of me was stunned and in disbelief.......another part of me suspected he was having a heart attack.  But, that makes NO sense. He had no cardiac history and had never had ANY chest pain or other cardiac symptoms. Zack was very calm, I was calm....... everyone was very cool and collected as we waited for the ambulance to arrive.

I followed the ambulance and when I arrived at the hospital, I was immediately greeted by the patient rep and escorted to another room. Then.......I began to  PANIC 😖😬 a bit,  on the inside. I was not sure what to think............

Everything was happening so quickly.....The rep took me to see him, the MD then informed me he has was INDEED having a massive heart attack and he was going to the cath lab ASAP.

There were so many staff members in the room scurrying around. The only faces I remember seeing are those the doctor, the patient rep, and that of my husband.

One minute we were enjoying a nice night at the park and the next, my husband was telling me there was some cash in his truck at the park "in case anything happened." He had 100% occlusion of his LAD (a major coronary artery known as the widow maker) and some less severe blockages on the front side of the heart. Dr. Laney eventually concluded that most likely scenario was a piece of plaque ruptured while he was playing ball and caused the occlusion.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. God was TRULY watching over us that day in so many ways. Zack was at the park with plenty of people and not somewhere alone. We reacted quickly and he received immediate medical attention. He received excellent care from everyone involved; the fire department,  HEMSI, and the Huntsville Hospital staff. 

Since that day, there have been some major lifestyle changes. Zack, in his own words," has gone from 21 cheeseburgers a week to 2. He has made some huge changes in his diet. He recently graduated from a cardiac rehab exercise program. His cholesterol is now114. He is not only as good as new, but better. We are so blessed and thankful that he is! 

He is many things to many people. He is a high school sweetheart turned husband to me, father to our two boys Kohen and Caleb, and our spoiled rotten dog, Lacy,  the only living son of his parents, a quiet, easy going friend, a hunting and fishing buddy, owner of a small family business.......

Again, I wanted to thank you all for the amazing care he received that day. Also....to let you know a little bit about whose life you saved that day and that he is doing great. 

 

Forever grateful, 

Alicia James

 

 

 

 

 

 

She is Redeemed

She Revolution 2014

These past few days, I have been totally wrecked and undone. SHE (Seeking His Embrace) Revolution, the annual women's conference at my church, was this weekend. This year's theme was, "She is Redeemed."

Words cannot begin to describe how truly life changing, encouraging, healing, and refreshing this weekend was for me. I may give it a shot after I have some time to absorb it all. It was like the whole conference was tailor made just for me. For now though, I simply want to share some pearls of wisdom from the speakers.........

Pearls of Wisdom

Jeanne Mayo

"Right choices eventually bring right emotions."

"A man or woman wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package."

"What you cry for today you may cry about tomorrow." 

Holly Wagner

"Your past can help give someone a future."

Sean Smith

"You gotta know the difference between being knocked down and knocked out."

"It's one thing for you to have emotions. It's another things for your emotions to have you." 

Welcome baby Caleb

Little Caleb Harrison James arrived on the scene Friday October 21 at 5:45 am weighing in at 5 lb 10 oz and 18 1/2 inches in length. It was a memorable delivery experience. I was close to delivering without a physician, but knew I was in great hands. We had a wonderful experience all around! It was so good to see everyone I used to work with. Made me miss my days of being a Labor and Delivery nurse.

Kohen was so excited to meet his little brother! He is such a helper. He enjoys holding and feeding him.

We are so thankful and blessed to welcome him to our family.