Six months in.......

Six months ago today Caleb had just been diagnosed with leukemia and we were in route to St Jude in Memphis. What a journey it has been. Six short months......yet at times it seems like a lifetime, while other times it seems like only yesterday. Six months ago our whole world changed. We have changed. Our lives went from revolving around juggling two boys and their ball schedules to........Memphis, cancer, chemo, counts, and roadmaps for treatment. There have been many lessons, blessings, heartaches, hugs, and tears too. I try hard to focus on the positive and the blessings. Some days though, my emotions get the better of me.

Our marriage is stronger. Zack and I have learned ALOT about teamwork, priorities, and celebrating each and every victory no matter how small. We have learned that life is short.......eat the cake, take the trip, buy the shoes. What are you waiting for? 

While I was the strong one while we were in Memphis, I have had a much harder time since being home and adjusting to a this "new normal". I REALLY dislike that term. There is NOTHING normal about having a child with a life threatening illness. Emotionally it is draining me trying to be cancer mom, nurse, wife, and mom to Kohen. It takes all that I have some days to make it through the day with a smile on my face and I still feel it's not good enough. Since we have been home, I have been very reclusive. This is mainly due to it being cold and flu season to protect Caleb's fragile immune system. I must be honest and admit this has changed me as well. Some days I am fine. Others days I have social anxiety, my emotions are raw and fragile, and I am easily upset. I am very social by nature and pray this gets better as time passes. So if I see you out and don't speak, it is not you, it's me. Please don't take it personal. Some days I have a really hard time being around others and talking to people. I say all that to make the point that now Zack is the strong one, and I am the one who is struggling. I have had to rely on Zack and God like never before. 

Caleb has completed reinduction one and will be heading back to Memphis next month for reinduction two. Then 108 more weeks of treatment. The journey is long and the climb steep, but I am certain the view from the top will be most precious. God prepared me well for the journey. Even in the darkest moments, He has never left me. We are SO thankful for how well Caleb is doing. I am very grateful that he has the type of cancer that he does. He has done relatively well with treatment. He has only had one fever, minimal setbacks, and tolerated chemo fairly well. We are looking forward to spring and all the warmth and beauty that comes with it. Caleb had his first ball practice last week and is SO excited about playing ball! I'm pretty excited too! 

We feel so blessed and thankful. Although this journey is very hard and painful at times we feel very loved. There are also many beautiful moments and blessing along the way! Thank you for all the love, prayers, concern, and support for our brave little leukemia warrior and the rest of our family! We appreciate you more than you will ever know. 

Love, 
Alicia 

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

Romans 8:28 NLT

All Things New

“I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.””

Revelation 21:5

It is amazing what you can see when you look at something with fresh eyes and a renewed perspective.

For example,  yesterday I went on a tour of Butler High School, which has been purchased by my church. I was amazed walking through the campus. I got a snapshot of the vision for the building as the Rock Family Worship Center. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that has a heart for our city. As the tour came to a close, Pastor Rusty and Leisa gathered everyone in the gym which will be the sanctuary and shared the vision of a school now empty and abandoned into something new that will be used to His glory. I was touched as we watched a video of a former student talk about how much the school meant to them. I'm excited for the possibilities that the new campus brings and SO thankful for this new season. 

Dear First Responders,

I know many times you know nothing about your patients when they roll through your doors, or the outcome after their discharge. I wanted to thank you for the excellent care my husband received when he was a patient this spring....... from my point of view as a wife. 

Thank you for all you do from the bottom of my heart. I know you are overworked and under appreciated. Words are not adequate to thank you, but here goes....

April 11, 2015.....It was opening day at our community ballpark. My oldest son, Kohen, loves baseball. We were excited about the new season. Some of the parents decided to play a game that evening. Zack decided to suit up and play ball. 

A few minutes after I arrived at the park, he walked off the field and towards me........ "I don't feel so good.....I think I hurt my arms when I was up to bat, "he said. He very pale and diaphoretic. Then he heaved as if to vomit....... Time stood still........my mind began to race.....part of me was stunned and in disbelief.......another part of me suspected he was having a heart attack.  But, that makes NO sense. He had no cardiac history and had never had ANY chest pain or other cardiac symptoms. Zack was very calm, I was calm....... everyone was very cool and collected as we waited for the ambulance to arrive.

I followed the ambulance and when I arrived at the hospital, I was immediately greeted by the patient rep and escorted to another room. Then.......I began to  PANIC 😖😬 a bit,  on the inside. I was not sure what to think............

Everything was happening so quickly.....The rep took me to see him, the MD then informed me he has was INDEED having a massive heart attack and he was going to the cath lab ASAP.

There were so many staff members in the room scurrying around. The only faces I remember seeing are those the doctor, the patient rep, and that of my husband.

One minute we were enjoying a nice night at the park and the next, my husband was telling me there was some cash in his truck at the park "in case anything happened." He had 100% occlusion of his LAD (a major coronary artery known as the widow maker) and some less severe blockages on the front side of the heart. Dr. Laney eventually concluded that most likely scenario was a piece of plaque ruptured while he was playing ball and caused the occlusion.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. God was TRULY watching over us that day in so many ways. Zack was at the park with plenty of people and not somewhere alone. We reacted quickly and he received immediate medical attention. He received excellent care from everyone involved; the fire department,  HEMSI, and the Huntsville Hospital staff. 

Since that day, there have been some major lifestyle changes. Zack, in his own words," has gone from 21 cheeseburgers a week to 2. He has made some huge changes in his diet. He recently graduated from a cardiac rehab exercise program. His cholesterol is now114. He is not only as good as new, but better. We are so blessed and thankful that he is! 

He is many things to many people. He is a high school sweetheart turned husband to me, father to our two boys Kohen and Caleb, and our spoiled rotten dog, Lacy,  the only living son of his parents, a quiet, easy going friend, a hunting and fishing buddy, owner of a small family business.......

Again, I wanted to thank you all for the amazing care he received that day. Also....to let you know a little bit about whose life you saved that day and that he is doing great. 

 

Forever grateful, 

Alicia James

 

 

 

 

 

 

She is Redeemed

She Revolution 2014

These past few days, I have been totally wrecked and undone. SHE (Seeking His Embrace) Revolution, the annual women's conference at my church, was this weekend. This year's theme was, "She is Redeemed."

Words cannot begin to describe how truly life changing, encouraging, healing, and refreshing this weekend was for me. I may give it a shot after I have some time to absorb it all. It was like the whole conference was tailor made just for me. For now though, I simply want to share some pearls of wisdom from the speakers.........

Pearls of Wisdom

Jeanne Mayo

"Right choices eventually bring right emotions."

"A man or woman wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package."

"What you cry for today you may cry about tomorrow." 

Holly Wagner

"Your past can help give someone a future."

Sean Smith

"You gotta know the difference between being knocked down and knocked out."

"It's one thing for you to have emotions. It's another things for your emotions to have you." 

Welcome baby Caleb

Little Caleb Harrison James arrived on the scene Friday October 21 at 5:45 am weighing in at 5 lb 10 oz and 18 1/2 inches in length. It was a memorable delivery experience. I was close to delivering without a physician, but knew I was in great hands. We had a wonderful experience all around! It was so good to see everyone I used to work with. Made me miss my days of being a Labor and Delivery nurse.

Kohen was so excited to meet his little brother! He is such a helper. He enjoys holding and feeding him.

We are so thankful and blessed to welcome him to our family.

Beyond Blessed

As I sit here, reflecting on the past five years, there are so many emotions that surface. God has blessed me with a healthy, happy child that brings me so much joy. I am so grateful Zack and I were chosen to be his parents. Not that it is not a huge challenge at times, but it is SO worth it. I am so thankful that I have been blessed with such wonderful friends and family to look to for support and advice along this journey that we call parenthood. It means more to me than you will ever know. I love you all and am so grateful to have friends like you in our lives

I have also had a lot of grief and suffering over the past couple of years also. The loss of my Dad was at times more than I thought I could bear. I miss him so much. Days like today especially. He loved Kohen so, and was a proud "Popsy". I know that he is in a better place, and that he is looking down with that smile only Kohen could bring to his face.

The past six months have been more than difficult. As many of you know about two and a half years ago, a cholesteotoma (benign tumor) was discovered in my ear. I have had extensive surgery that included prosthetic bones and cartilage. When my ear began ringing six months ago, I had no idea what the next few months would entail. After numerous doctors visits, cat scans, medications, injections, I began to lose hope that anything would bring relief from this noise in my head.

I am a positive person. I tried not to let it get the best of me, but some days it did. I had reached the point if I did not see a light at the end of the tunnel, I was going to go over the edge.As I was on the edge of sinking into a deep depression, I went and tried a brand new device to help cope with the noise. That night was my night to keep the nursery at church. I SO wished I could have gone to the service that night. Anyway, I got a text message from my dear friend Melanie about 30 minutes into service. I did not check it until after church......It said which ear bothers you? After church I called her. She said that Pastor Rusty stopped the service and began to talk about someone in the church that was suffering from ringing in their ear. She said he described everything I had been through over the past few months. He prayed for healing and relief. The next day when I woke up, it was like someone had taken the volume switch on the ringing and turned it WAY down. The device now totally blends with the ringing and all I hear is a sound like static on the TV. I am SO thankful! God is so good. I feel like my old self again.

I just want to say thank you to all of you that have been there for me during this difficult time in my life. Honestly, I do not know what I would do without such great friends in my life. You guys lift me up when I am not able to do it myself. Words are not sufficient to express my appreciation. I am beyond blessed to have you in my life.Thanks so much for being there!


And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Joy of Spring by David O'Whalen

Spring morning
A warm Breeze
doves cooing softly
Pollen dusted trees

A few brave violets
A red streaked dawn
A very early robin
Earthworms in the lawn

Spring peeper frogs
Smell of dogwood blossoms
Nature’s petroglyphs in muddy bogs
Footprints left by possums

Easter eggs and bonnets
Chocolate rabbits, Missing ears
Jelly beans and sonnets
Spilled Easter baskets, children’s tears

Parades,
leafy bowers
Lemonades
Spring showers

Spring mornings
Warm breezes
Deep breaths
Allergic sneezes

Smell of Fresh coffee
Sound of birds as they sing
Joy of life.. joy of being…
…Joy of Spring