πŸ‘«πŸ‘­ Friendship and  Loss πŸ‘¬πŸ‘«

This is the kind of week it’s been...... Leaving home when a funeral procession passes before I can turn out of the subdivision. After they pass, I turn and seeing several police cars on Bob Wade. At first glance, I think they are from the procession, which is not the case. The police are there to tend to yet another terrible car accident on a rainy day on this dangerous road. I have driven past similar scenes on this road WAY too many times lately. I pray it wasn’t another fatality and that everyone involved is ok. I continued on down the street on my way to the funeral of a dear childhood friend’s sister, Christa, is being held on this drizzly rainy Saturday. 

I digress. Christa’s service was very touching. She impacted SO many lives in many ways. A mother to two beautiful girls, a daughter to John and Debbie, a big sister to Nikki, a teacher to many young hearts and minds, and a friend to many. During the service, letters were read that her closest childhood friends had written. L…

A moment 

I miss the old me.......The memories.........they cut like a knife. Looking back at the pictures from the time since Caleb diagnosis is overwhelming to me at times. So many emotions, some happy and proud, but mostly sad. Facebook is THE worst because I’m never really prepared for it. Some days I think maybe I should just skip social media altogether. But it that just avoiding feeling all the emotions I still have bottled up inside? I already avoid going out in public as much as possible on most days. I quit going to church.  At first it was for safety reasons and still is sometimes, but if I am being honest I have extreme anxiety going out anywhere there will be people that I know. The last time I was somewhere where there were several people I knew, I left in tears from feeling overwhelmed and anxious by all the questions, looks, etc. I even saw a friend from high school in the hospital cafeteria recently. My initial thought was to run up hug him and say hello, but then I caught mys…

On my heart today...........

My heart is so so very heavy today. A couple of my dear friends have had some very hard days this week. 
I would like to share with you all a little about my sweet friend Sherri. I can still remember the first time I met her, like it was yesterday. We had an instant connection. It was like we had been friends for years. I have SO enjoyed working with and getting to know her over the years. We have had lots and lots of laughs! There is still an open debate about whose laugh is louder in our clinic...mine or hers.........I admittedly have quite the cackle, but I think Sherri’s takes the cake. 
God placed her in my life for a reason. I wouldn’t fully know that reason (and still may not) until Caleb was diagnosed. I have always sensed we met for a reason though. I can still remember feeling anxious that it was going to upset her when she found out Caleb had cancer. .You see Sherri’s beautiful daughter, Lindsey, battled cancer and gained her wings before I met Sherri. I SO wish I had been ab…

Going Gold for September πŸŽ—πŸŽ—πŸŽ—

Sitting here with just my thoughts and a cup of coffee this morning.  Today and every Monday is a chemo day for us. Childhood Cancer is never far very from my mind. September is childhood cancer awareness month........which I didn't even know existed until last year. I have had a crash course in ALL and pediatric cancer this year. The more I learn, the more my heart breaks. Now I am starting to become angry. Not even angry that my child has cancer. I believe there must be a purpose for his journey and we are doing all we can to support him along the way. I try to be his advocate, mom, and caregiver to the best of my ability. Some days are harder than others, but he is a trooper and I try to be as well. What can be helped though........and what I am angry about is how little funding, research, and attention childhood cancer receives.  I don't think it truly has a face until it touches someone you know........ someone close to you. It didn't for me.  I am not going …

Six months in.......

Six months ago today Caleb had just been diagnosed with leukemia and we were in route to St Jude in Memphis. What a journey it has been. Six short months......yet at times it seems like a lifetime, while other times it seems like only yesterday. Six months ago our whole world changed. We have changed. Our lives went from revolving around juggling two boys and their ball schedules to........Memphis, cancer, chemo, counts, and roadmaps for treatment. There have been many lessons, blessings, heartaches, hugs, and tears too. I try hard to focus on the positive and the blessings. Some days though, my emotions get the better of me.

Our marriage is stronger. Zack and I have learned ALOT about teamwork, priorities, and celebrating each and every victory no matter how small. We have learned that life is the cake, take the trip, buy the shoes. What are you waiting for?  While I was the strong one while we were in Memphis, I have had a much harder time since being home and adjustin…

All Things New

“I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”” Revelation 21:5

It is amazing what you can see when you look at something with fresh eyes and a renewed perspective.
For example,  yesterday I went on a tour of Butler High School, which has been purchased by my church. I was amazed walking through the campus. I got a snapshot of the vision for the building as the Rock Family Worship Center. I am so blessed to be a part of a church that has a heart for our city. As the tour came to a close, Pastor Rusty and Leisa gathered everyone in the gym which will be the sanctuary and shared the vision of a school now empty and abandoned into something new that will be used to His glory. I was touched as we watched a video of a former student talk about how much the school meant to them. I'm excited for the possibilities that the new campus brings and SO thankful for this new season. 

Thoughts on being a parent of a child recently diagnosed with cancer

It was late afternoon on September 11. Caleb has been admitted to Huntsville Hospital a couple of days prior with knee pain and a fever. His initial diagnosis was osteomyelitis. The plan was to have a PICC line placed and have three months of IV antibiotic therapy. My biggest concerns at the time were that we might miss our fall break beach trip and whether he was going to be able to go to school with a PICC line.  I

Caleb and I were napping when the hospitalist woke me up and said something like this......"I want to give you a minute to prepare yourself.....The oncologist is on his way to speak with you, it is malignant, and you need to go ahead and call your husband to come to the hospital."  WOW!  That was a lot to wake up to and process in a couple of minutes. I called Zack, who had lots of questions to which I had no answers. I went into nurse mom mode with my notebook and pen. 
We then met with a team which included the hospitalist, pediatric oncologist, social worker,…